Towards the end of June, my life turned upside down. My father had passed away suddenly, just two days before his 63rd birthday. We went from planning birthday celebrations to making funeral arrangements in a matter of days.
It came out of nowhere. Even now, there are moments where I still don’t fully believe it. He was only 62 and in many ways still full of life, energy, and presence.
But if there is one thing I am choosing to hold onto in this painful season, it is this: he was a big character, the kind of person who left an impression without trying.
Grief has a way of rearranging everything you thought was stable. It does not ask permission, and it does not follow a timeline.
In the middle of that, I have found myself reflecting not just on loss, but on life, specifically the lessons my father left behind.
So this month’s editorial is a quiet tribute. Here are a few things I have learnt from my father and what I am still learning as I navigate grief.
Community outreach is everything
One of the things I have been reflecting on through this period is how much community matters, not just in theory, but in practice. Grief has a way of showing you very quickly who is around you, who checks in, and where support actually exists beyond words.
My father understood community in a very practical sense. He did not just speak about it, he lived it. One of the things I have been thinking about most is a medical outreach he supported in a town in Nigeria.
It was a reminder that impact does not always need to be loud or widely recognised, sometimes it is simply about making resources, care, and support accessible to people who would otherwise go without.
That idea has stayed with me, that community is built through action, through showing up, through contributing what you can, where you can, even when it is not convenient or visible.
Take initiative
My father did not wait for perfect conditions to act. If something needed doing, he did it, or he made sure someone did.
As I have gotten older, I realise how powerful that mindset is. Not everything in life will line up neatly. Sometimes you move forward while things are still uncertain, still messy, still incomplete.
In grief especially, there is no perfect moment to start healing. You just begin, even if it feels small, even if it feels forced.
Stand your ground
He had a strong sense of self that made it clear he knew what he believed and he was not easily swayed when he felt certain.
That lesson hits differently now. It makes me think about boundaries, self respect, and not shrinking yourself to make others comfortable.
Grief has a way of softening everything, but it has also reminded me that standing your ground does not mean you are unkind, it means you are anchored.
Don’t be afraid of confrontation
This one took me a while to understand and honestly I still sit with it.
My father did not avoid difficult conversations. If something needed to be said, he would say it, directly, clearly, sometimes bluntly.
In life, I think we are often taught to avoid discomfort, to smooth things over. But I have come to realise that avoidance often just delays resolution.
Even in grief, there are hard conversations, about arrangements, about memories, about what comes next. I am learning that facing things head on, however uncomfortable, is often an act of respect.
We will prevail
“Surely we will prevail” my father’s words. This is the one that carries me most right now.
There is a strength that comes from endurance, from getting through things you never thought you would have to face. I see it in my family. I see it in myself on the days when getting out of bed feels like a small victory.
We will prevail does not mean we will not hurt. It does not mean we will not struggle. It means we will continue, even when it feels impossible.
And somehow, that is enough for today.
Grief does not arrive neatly packaged. It spills into everything, work, sleep, conversations, silence. But within it, I am trying to hold onto the parts of my father that shaped me.
Not just the memories, but the lessons.
And maybe that is how we continue to honour people: we carry forward what they taught us, even when they are no longer here to say it themselves.
Helpful resources for grief support
If you are reading this and navigating your own loss, you are not alone. Here are some organisations that may help:
UK
Cruse Bereavement Support https://www.cruse.org.uk
NHS Grief Support Guidance https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-and-loss/
Mind Emotional Support https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/
Nigeria
Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative MANI https://mentallyaware.org A youth focused mental health NGO providing awareness, peer support, and signposting to emotional wellbeing services
She Writes Woman https://shewriteswoman.org A mental health advocacy organisation offering support, storytelling spaces, and community based mental health awareness
Federal Neuro Psychiatric Hospital Yaba https://fnphyaba.gov.ng A key psychiatric hospital providing clinical mental health support and services
Lagos State Mental Health Service https://health.lagosstate.gov.ng Government led mental health support and services within Lagos State
United States
GriefShare https://www.griefshare.org A widely used support network offering in person and online grief support groups across the US and internationally
The Dougy Center https://www.dougy.org Provides specialised support for children, young people, and families experiencing grief
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